How Did I Get Here?
The first thought that I had as I titled this post was that song from the Talking Heads – How did I get here? (You are welcome for the ear worm.)
When I started this journey over two decades ago, when I decided to step out of my comfort zone of accounting, finance, billing systems and organizational development to go back to grad school and study counseling psychology, being where I am in this moment would have NEVER occurred to me. NEVER. No way, no how!
And, that is what this post is all about – it’s about letting go of the expectations of how your life was supposed to be, where you were supposed to be working and living and instead, embracing the idea that maybe, just maybe, there is something out there so much more amazing than you could have ever imagined, but first, and here is the rub, you have to LET GO of what you planned, imagined and thought.
I was supposed to (according to my parents) go to college and get a degree in four years, get a good job and work at the same company until I retired – well, I threw that out the window after my second year of college when I had to work full time. Did you know that Seton Hall University has a nine year undergraduate program in the Stillman School of business – well, you do now. For years, I hid that little tidbit – my resume just made me look five years younger than I was. Now that I have grown and learned, I wear that tenacity proudly. I wanted to quit, I wanted to stop, but I could not – I had to finish and I did.
Somewhere in that space of working in corporate America for some interesting people, I became determined to learn why people said and did the things that they did and got away with it. Really, that is where this all started. I was in therapy myself and wondered out loud in one session to Dr. Rappaport (this is ALL his fault) ‘Doc, does everyone who comes to therapy think that they should be a therapist too?’ Now, for the visual, you need to see Dr. R – he was a decade or two older than I was, complete with the therapist beard and couch in his office and he was typically not very animated, but rather a wonderful calm presence as my feelings and thoughts were spinning. In that moment, as I spoke those words, he lit up in a way that I had never seen and got excited – I had never seen him do this before – he looked at me in wonder and said – ‘I have been waiting for you to figure that out’. Wow! Talk about a life changing moment – this man who was wise and kind and helpful thought that I, little ole me, could perhaps be that helpful to other people.
Working full time while going to grad school and completing internships left me tired and exhilarated all at the same time. Accounting was HARD to learn, but counseling and therapy and everything else in those years was natural to me. And at each point, I had to learn to LET GO of what I thought my life was supposed to be – that company that I started with and thought for sure that I would retire from decided after eight and half years that I was no longer a good fit. OUCH. That was hard, it was so so hard, but I cried and I learned and I grew and I LET GO – I let go of the job, the people, the vision that I would always work there. I moved on, I stayed in school and I kept moving forward, one day at a time. Other jobs came along and my internships turned into two amazing part time jobs – one in an intensive outpatient program for substance abuse and the other as a screener for the weekend county based program for DUI offenders. The work was humbling and rewarding and I had to LET GO of my impressions of people and of myself. I learned, I grew, I kept moving forward.
Because life is interesting, I fell in love with and married a guy who decided that he was tired of the rat race and the East Coast and wanted to move to Montana. I had never even been to Montana, but there I was, learning to LET GO of my home state, of my friends, of my career, of my everything… It was the hardest thing that I had ever done – I walked out of a great career in Corporate America and Counseling and into, well, nothing. It was like jumping off a cliff with no parachute… Scary and exhilarating all at the same time, but again, I had to LET GO.
So, I keep talking about Letting Go here with a purpose. In 2016, I realized a dream and held my first Weekend on Forgiveness and Letting Go. I did it again in 2017 and now as I write this post, we are a month away from the 3rd Annual Weekend on Forgiveness and Letting Go. So come join me in our amazing little corner of Montana and take some time to heal and grow and learn with me.
We will gather on Friday evening April 20th, 2018 at the Lodge and Cabins at Kootenai River Outfitters for a transforming weekend. During this weekend, which is a combination of lecture, small group and reflective time, I will teach you the techniques and processes that you can use to Forgive and LET GO! You can and will leave on Sunday afternoon feeling lighter and freer and with tools to use going forward.
I hope that you will join us for this life changing experience!